Lord of the Pants
by goodlittlecatholicschoolgirl
Summary: (COMPLETE) Wearing tight leather pants isn't as easy as it looks, yet Seto Kaiba makes it look effortless. When Ryou causes him to loose his cool, will he finish what he started? Songfic to A Favor House Atlantic PG-13 for a few bad words. yaoi! SetoxRyou
1. Good Eye, Sniper

A/N: This is about something I realized with another friend, that all the male YGO characters wear really _really _tight leather pants. And it's not that I'm complaining, oh no! I'm just saying, isn't it a struggle to do that everyday? Thus here is _The Lord of the Pants_- Seto Kaiba's crotch-ogling story. Seto's terribly out of character I think. Was going to be funny but now is going to be mixed lol. Writing this story for a few laughs cause I can't do much of anything else, I hyper-extended my knee. =(

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!, Kazuki Takahashi does. And the song goes to Coheed and Cambria, _"A Favor House Atlantic"_

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Seto woke up from his sleep, again plagued with that same recurring dream. He was in the forest running from a huge stampede of cattle. Unfortunately, he was naked during all this, with the herd of angry cows following him. They shouted "Murderer...murderer!" over again with their satanic moos. This time they had chased him over a cliff.

"Dammit," he muttered as he dazily got up and went into his bathroom, which was more like a hidden sanctuary. The floors were marble, with an in-ground Jacuzzi and a glass-walled shower that could easily fit five. He smirked walking past it, shaking his head with slight embarrassment. He said to no one nearly inaudibly,

"Damn you, Ryou."

He spent all of seven minutes fixing up for school, using ungodly amounts of hair gel to keep it in that one shape all day. After spending the last three minutes in front of the mirror flexing in his pink bunny boxers, he traipsed his way back to his room. He made his face cold as stone walking into the room, making sure none of the maids were there.

Once he was satisfied that he was alone, he turned on his cd player, blasting "A Favor House Atlantic" at maximum volume. Using the TV clicker as a microphone he sung out the lyrics hardcore.

"_Good eye, sniper! I shoot, you run!" _he sang, motioning along to the words as he moved over to his closet, opening the door, revealing what seemed as a walk-in leather store. He flicked through the hangers, and eventually picked out a new pair of black leather pants with silver touches.

He grabbed the pair off the rack and ran back out to his room, attempting to get into the devilish material. With one foot stuck he sang through gritted teeth, _"Run quick, they're behind us,...Bye bye beautiful!"_

He wrestled trying all his might to squeeze into the pants, jumping around the room, falling flat on his back. After about ten minutes he managed to dance his way into them, shouting out victoriously as he zipped up the fly. He turned to face the doorway, seeing Mokuba standing shocked in the doorway, biting his lip out of fear.

Seto just looked at him straight in the eyes asking, with the appropriate flattering pose,

"Does this make my ass look big?"

Mokuba cried himself to sleep in a faraway corner of Kaiba mansion that night.

He watched as his little brother just ran away and shrugged it off, putting on his shirt, remembering to spray the collar with starch so that would stay up as well. He slipped on his billowing cover to complete the outfit, but making sure he didn't button it up all the way to show off his muscular man-cleavage.

Keeping a straight face, which was funny in itself, because he wasn't, he looked in the full-length mirror in his room, striking several intimidating poses. After flashing from Elvis to Bill Clinton to Justin Timberlake (A/N: I know they're not in America.) , he was finished and ready for school, the lyrics to the song still pounding in his mind.

He hummed softly while not expressing any emotion as he stepped into his limo, popping the cd into the stereo system, again rocking out to the lyrics behind tainted windows and steel walls.

_Good eye, sniper. I shoot, you run._

_The words you scribbled on the walls_

_The loss of friends you didn't have_

_I called you and the time is right_

_Are you in or are you out?_

As he reached the school, he turned the music down, straightened out his tight pants and squeakily ambled into the classroom. Good thing everyone was talking so that no one could possibly hear the material rubbing against each other, creating a faint but paining sound.

Propping a book on his desk, he began to read, watching the rest of the class file in, noticing Ryou's gentle, weary smile as he sat down next to him. Seto had to force every spare bit of energy into not grinning back, telling himself his knees shouldn't be weakening or his breath quickening like this. The song pleaded in his mind, _"Face step, step down, bye bye beautiful,"_

Today's drawling lesson was polynomials. Between hearing the song in his head and having Ryou next to him, needless to say he didn't pay attention. Especially the way Ryou kept nibbling on the end of his pencil with that dazed, innocent look on his face.

"Stop it, you're loosing it. Cool yourself down, he's just another person," 

Ryou ran a confused hand through his hair, working hard to figure out the problem, playing with the utensil in his palm. Kaiba bit his lip, choking down his breath. The pale boy now began to suck and bite the eraser, lost in thought. All his concentration poured out into this one math question. The CEO crossed his legs, inhaling deeply.

"This is not the time nor place, stop it right now! Think about..uh...Yugi or something, no no that doesn't help! Think about his grandpa. Ew. Yeah, that's mildly better."

After a few seconds, Ryou's hand shot up in triumph. As he was complemented on answering the question correctly his smile shone through. At that moment something in Kaiba melted away and he stopped fighting it. He covered his mouth with his hand suppressing a quiet smile of his own. He drifted away, thinking about the pale boy's soft lips and frail body. A dragged out squeak of leather was heard among the silent class.

"Excuse me, Kaiba-kun, I didn't realize polynomials were this exciting for you," the teacher smugly commented. Most of the girls pondered in confusion as the guys tried their hardest not to laugh. Ryou didn't look at him, but flashed a rare smirk as he continued to stare at his desk.

Seto's face went white, even whiter than Ryou's, for a few moments before he quickly asked to be excused and ran rather composedly out the door.

* * *

A/N: Yeah that's it for now but the next chapter shall be posted soon since I've got nothing better to do! More leather goodies to come! Please call 1-800-LEAVE REVIEW and tell me how I'm writing! XD


	2. Run Quick, They're Behind Us

A/N: I got good and enough reviews to make a second chapter :squee!:: Hope this is a good follow-up, made at midnight, have fun! Pointless yaoi because it's cute. Featuring spazzingout!Yami no Bakura who's a schitzo freak OOC.

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!, Kazuki Takahashi does. And the song goes to Coheed and Cambria, "A Favor House Atlantic"

* * *

As soon as he was out of the classroom, he broke out into a run, shaking his head He cursed himself for ever being that stupid to fall into that trap_._

_ Of course, he had planned it all along,_ he thought as he went into the bathroom. He splashed cold water on his face hoping the effects would take place soon. Looking stealthily around the room (James Bond style) to make sure he was alone, he crept his chilly hands down his pants, slightly tossing his neck back in relief.

"My, my, I am surprised at you, Seto-kun. I wouldn't expect to see a man of your caliber to be doing **this **during school hours," Ryou's voice mocked with a smile, catching him in the act. He then added quite literally,

"You're not getting off that easily."

Kaiba looked at him not knowing what to say, reverting back to his not-so-straight face. Needless to say it lost some conviction with his hands still within the leather fortress. The pale boy sighed as he walked over, standing a head shorter than him, saying in a disappointed tone,

"What will I do with you?"

The taller boy had to stifle a smirk as Ryou kissed him fervently, pushing him up against the horridly pink-tiled wall. Kaiba broke into a smile as he ran his hands up his lover's shirt, drawing him closer. Ryou had started all this and he better damn well finish it. _Not like the time at the game store's back room..._he thought bitterly..._why didn't he just lock the door? Yugi never really did forgive me for that, causing his grandfather to have a heart attatck and all...Good thing he never knew why._

Ryou praised himself for a job well done as he ground his hips against the stiff brunette's, hearing his quivering moan. Anyone else who had been in that room for the next fifteen minutes would go deaf from the leather's sounds of contact.

Kaiba inhaled deeply trying to regain some of his energy as Ryou stood back up with a wicked grin, zipping the leather fly back up. He put his hands in the pockets with a smirk,

"I must say I do love the outfit..."

He embraced the taller boy once more but was interrupted by a barrage of shrieks and giggles. The two quickly ran out of what was later realized to be the girls' bathroom, avoiding a brainless horde of n00b phr0sh3s (newbie freshmen for all those who are ill33terate.).

The brunette stood against the corner catching his breath, resuming his composure (and straightening out his boxers); rather worried that word may get out that he, like the Backstreet Boys, wanted it _that _way. If it weren't for Ryou's own chuckles he would have continued to brood, mull and be bitchy in peace.

"What's so funny, we've just been caught!" barked Kaiba, who was now on an adrenaline high. What _was _funny was that just nearly escaping a group of women was so thrilling to him, but that wasn't the topic argued.

The pale boy grinned, "First off, nice choice of scenery to jack off in, eh Seto-kun?"

He suppressed another snicker, ignoring the boy's doom, destruction, and death-to-you-and-you're-whole-family glares (which Kaiba felt sorry for immediately after since most of his family was already dead. But they let it slide, 'cause they're cool like that.)

"Second, don't worry about it. They probably I thought I was a girl, too."

Kaiba sat there again not knowing what the hell to do. Glares weren't suitable. Straight face didn't come up to scratch. Protesting was out of the question, but giggling at the probable fact was unheard of.

So instead, completely breaking through his in-school phase, he smiled with a slight laugh, messing up Ryou's hair.

"You're **so **dead," he promised.

Ryou snuck in another quck lip-lock and then continued to walk down the hall as if nothing had happened.

"I know," was his only response.

....

Much to Kaiba's un-surprise, Ryou didn't show up for the rest of his classes that day. Thus the CEO was forced to spend the rest of the day doodling all over his notebook; writing "A Favor House Atlantic" lyrics since the song would not get out of his head, drawing little red-inked hearts filled with R.B. n S.K. 4EVA, and figuring out which sounded better.

"Seto Bakura **or** Ryou Kaiba?"

_Run quick, they're behind us  
Didn't think we'd ever make it  
This close to safety in one piece  
Now you wanna kill me in the act of what could maybe  
Save us from sleep and what we are_

....

He got down the hall turning in to the door to his classroom when the ring began to shake. His eyes widened as he was no longer in school, but in the spirit world, face-to-face with the Egyptian thief.

"What are you _doing?!" _the spirit asked, disgusted.

Ryou sighed, quite bored with this. "I was just...finishing what I started. You always tell me to follow through with things-"

"The things that I tell you to do!" Yami no Bakura interrupted furiously. He shivered, rather sickened, "and for the last time, I'm not gay! PLEASE try to cut down the kinky crap! It's not like I _wanted _to posses your queer ass,"

He repressed a smile as he listened, looking like the epitome of all innocence and cuteness; his hands behind his back as one held onto the other arm, his eyes looking down at the floor.

"Now hear up, because I need you to get this one thing for me. You gotta focus, come on, I don't want to have to wreak havoc, death, destruction, the whole works, on your school, okay? Okay. Tomorrow at five invite Yugi over for a sleepover or something. Whatever you two girls decide on. Just do it, understand?"

Ryou nodded, knowing well that all attempts made by his not-so-sneaky Yami were in vain. I mean hey, the pharaoh kicks total ass. You just _don't_ fuck with the pharaoh. It's like in the code of unwritten hieroglyphics or something; Ryou didn't know or for that matter, care at that point.

"Okay, good, good," the spirit mulled around, trying to put his plan into order.

The little soft-plastic Playskool circle in his mind kept attempting to fit into that square hole. But one day with enough brute strength and cheating, the piece shall fit!

A/N: Yeaaah. One more chapter to go, sorry about this one! I ::hate:: connecting chapters. Oh well, more craziness and yaoi ensues! Leaving you with the burning question, will Ryou not screw things up or shall he screw again?


	3. Bye Bye Beautiful

A/N: Final chapter! Thanks for everyone in advance for reading this. It's early and I have a really bad headache, I just really felt like finishing up. Ryou's terribly OOC. Oh well, this is what he's really like, the anime just shows the quieter side of him =D.

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!, Kazuki Takahashi does. And the song goes to Coheed and Cambria, _"A Favor House Atlantic"_

_

* * *

_

Ryou ran a hand through his messy hair, not feeling very threatened. After returning from the Shadow Realm, Bakura was much less frightening; he hadn't hurt anyone since. Laughing it off, he slipped into his Care Bear pajamas (that **rainbow **bear ones, of course!) and drifted off to sleep.

Dreams always pissed the pale boy off because Bakura wouldn't STFU!!!1 (Ryou always expressed his anger in l33t.) He kept swearing the death of the pharaoh, his eminent rise to power, blowing up the world, etc. This time a new verse was added into his chant. _"The road blocks shall perish." _What the h311 did that mean? Oh well, it was time to wake up anyway.

Don't bother to write Disturbed by your words 

Ryou was probably the only being on earth that is ever happy about getting up in the morning. Then again, Ryou was the only being on earth that had an evil spirit who felt like possessing him at night. Win-Lose situation. As he fumbled into his school uniform in front of the mirror, he was rather saddened that Dress-Down-Day had come to an end. Since it also marked the end to Seto's leather fashion show, which, no matter who you were, was **always **a disappointment.

He turned on his little bedside radio and began to hum some of the words. Wasn't this the stupid song he was singing? Oh well, better learn it to get it stuck in his head again. What was it again...?

_Good eye sniper  
__I shoot, you run_  
_Face step let down  
__Face step, step down  
__Bye Bye Beautiful_

With the last line Ryou's eyes sharpened with a wicked laugh. Although it was over in a moment he felt the shivers down his spine all the way to school.

Nothing out of the ordinary had happened that day. The usual Joey-being-a-little-S.O.B. had commenced. Since he was literally stuck in the middle of the two's bickering during class, he was about to rip some of his hair out. When he couldn't take it any longer, he commented snidely,

"You two fight like a married queer couple,"

Which immediately shut up the both of them, but for different reasons. Joey didn't want his masculinity questioned. Seto inwardly protested, his eyes flashing a quick, "Only if I was fighting with you," glare, seeming a death gaze to anyone else.

Ryou smiled back weakly, "You're such a girl,"

Seto then crossed his arms, defiantly saying without words, "AM NOT."

About an hour later during recess Kaiba did his best to prove it to the pale boy in the library. They returned to class a minute late.

Just another ordinary day...

At 2:30pm the class was released, with hips and hurrahs for the weekend for all. Honda had somehow smuggled a keg into his house and was going to hold a party tomorrow. Anzu was going to smoke another bowl as she usually did on Friday nights. And only known to few, Joey would find himself nuzzled next to Yugi on Saturday morning. And Kaiba would be doing work on the weekends (shock, surprise.) Did he even remember it was their anniversary tonight...?

Ryou shook his head, pretending he didn't care if Seto had forgotten. It's such a girl thing to worry about things like that, he thought to himself. As he totally put inviting Yugi out of his mind, he fretted over if he was pretty enough for the Kaiba-boy (as Pegasus would say.) He twirled his pale hair, _What if he likes blondes better? Or red heads?_ He pushed the hair back behind his ears, trying to push back these thoughts as well.

_Your eyes tell the stories of a day you wish you could_  
_Recall the moments that once have_

He finally reached his house, so lonely at the end of the street. He couldn't remember the last time someone had even visited. Not since his parents had..._Don't think of that. _As he fumbled with his keys he opened the door, a luxurious smell floating through the air.

"What the-"he questioned, shutting the door behind him as he entered.

Seto greeted him swiftly with a kiss, wrapping his arms around the smaller boy.

"Happy Anniversary," he said with a blushing grin.

_Didn't think we'd ever make it  
__This close to safety in one piece_

Ryou himself was speechless but his face was ever grateful for the scene before him. The CEO had cooked a small meal [without burning it] (which, if you knew how Seto cooks, was a **huge** accomplishment for him.), lit by two candles on his kitchen table. So what if it was an overused romantic setting? The pale-haired boy showed his appreciation with a fervent kiss.

After dinner they found themselves in the entrance hallway, hands mapping out only too-familiar places. Ryou had let all his guards down, he was with the person he loved; no one ever has to know... Seto felt the difference as the boy's eyes had sharpened.

At first the forceful pressure was welcomed, he was always usually so soft; it was a very acceptable change of pace. The nibbles along his neck and chest caused him to space slightly. His breath quickened as his bite grew harder, almost to the point of...pain?

"Ryou..." Seto moaned, not sure if he wanted him to go on like this. He tossed his head back with the odd sensations.

The pain increased with each movement, the nails and teeth now drawing drops of blood on the taller boy's fair skin. This time it was out of worry,

"Ryou! Wh-what are you doing...?" he weakly asked, out of breath, feeling something cold being pressed on his chest.

As the pale boy looked up he realized the face was not of his lover's, it was cruel and twisted. The laugh was not a laugh at all, but an icy, heartless cackle.

Bakura leaned over staring straight into his helpless blue eyes, tracing the back of his free hand on his cheek, whispering just before he pulled the trigger,

_"Bye bye, beautiful,"_

* * *

A/N: Yeah that's depressing. Sorry! Gah I didn't just kill off someone, ::goes to mourn at his grave:: Anyway, I hoped you liked it! Please leave your comments!


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